Twist the Fist for the Sake of the Same

It has come to my attention that sobriety is all important. I have come to realize that these memories I have from the future are not real, because memories reside in the past. These little misunderstandings are the foundation to a new way of remembering the past, ignoring memories of the future and living in the present.

It has been difficult to pin point sobriety. I mean sure, there is a handy list of things I know for certain to stay away from because the high men in places of power or the men in high places of power have written those substances down. They were kind enough to take the time to explicitly name those substances to stay away from. They were even kind enough to provide some real motivation for staying away.

Moving on to the problem. If I want to always be sober it would make sense that every time I am sober I will think and feel the same way. The issue is sometimes I am legally sober but I feel and think differently than other situations in which I am also legally sober. If I am trying to think, feel and act the same way at all times how am I to maintain a consistent state of mind. For instance, I was real tired right when I woke up which felt weird. Right before I went to sleep I felt much different than when I woke up.

My fatigue caused me to consume coffee and then a few redbulls and then I jerked off so I was feeling all sorts of things differently then the previous sober moments. The coffee and redbull changed my state of mind completely. Had I not had those substances I would have been dwelling on sleep and ways to kill myself so no one would find my body and everyone would think I must have run off to some exotic new place.

My new conclusion revolves around the idea that everything you ever experience or ingest has the potential to effect your state of mind similarly to that of an explicitly labeled and enforced narcotic. This means in order to maintain my sobriety I must stay away from most things and keep my life and day to day interactions as similar to all the others as possible. Working 9-5 will help a lot. I discovered soylent to replace all my meals. It is a liquid substance that contains all the nutrients I will require. I will now have the same depleted feelings, all the time. Sameness is the key here.

There is all the stuff I put in my body but then there is the emotional stuff that comes from talking to people and observing the various attempts by my misguided compatriots in existence to somehow change the world or make it prettier somehow. Deep, rich swirls of color and splotches of dazzling radiance on some fabric serves no other purpose than to basically upset your stomach. Although it isn't quite hunger, there is that stirring in your chest, like a fist is reaching directly through you but instead of ripping out your heart the hand just serves to reveal some endless unseen tunnel that recedes simultaneously into the past and future. Such immeasurable and astounding movements in being offer no value to the sameness I seek.

People. This is the big one. People are messy and tricky. My soylent meals offer an alabaster tint of perpetual continuity that grabs that fist and twists it in such a way that the mysterious being who dares lift some colossal weight from inside my very life stays a fair distance, I can see it move in my periphery but no longer will I be tempted to examine that inner space. Why can't people be like my soylent. They can't for many reasons, they don't live in my fridge is a big one. And thus I must swear off people as well. Anyone who makes me feel anything must be shun, thinking isn't any better. I am going to seek people who look, act, dress, talk and think the same way. Encountering an individual who says something I don't agree with or cannot understand is just about as bad as being drunk and high on cocaine which is clearly illegal. Well booze isn't but I'm sure it's just another oversight.

I think the best place for me is the corporate world. My new job is great and all the people there dress almost the exact same every day. No one is worried about change and we never have any conversations that would make a rock uncomfortable. All of my coworkers are into church and I am starting to really get the hang of it. I was worried at first because I thought every time we went, there would be some new topic discussed which would again stir my chest/stomach area, but it is totally the same every time!

A Future I Can Get Behind

Party Time

As I start to organize my life I must finally choose a political party to side with. Although I have often thought there could be nothing more ludicrous and absurd than a decision between one of two viable groups to represent the most powerful force in human history I find I must succumb to the insanity and pick a side.

My initially reaction is to go with the blue team because I prefer blue. Blue is calm and pretty, it seems to represent contemplation and thought over emotion and action. Red is vibrant and intense though. It has this universal quality. It seems to signify more, like it holds more power. Our blood is red, warning signs are in red, intense emotion can be described as red it seems too although I am not sure how or why.

I suppose I must choose based on more than my preference for color though. Whatever side I choose I will find myself in opposition to the other side so perhaps choosing the side I can defend better or opposite the side I can oppose more easily is the best choice.

There is also the constituents to contend with. If I am going to enter politics I will do so by votes. Perhaps I should instead consider the group whose followers I can more easily manipulate and bend to my will. It may be prudent to choose the side with the dumbest followers. If the people who elect me are stupid enough it won't really matter what I say or do because whatever course of action I take I can make it appear to benefit those I represent.

I suppose whatever side I choose I will always do first what is best for me and then make my decisions seem to fall in line with some policy or guideline of the group. I can always claim to be reaching across the aisle for bipartisan support. It would seem like this wouldn't work as this whole thing is organized like a giant super series world game cup bowl and the continuation of the rivalry is paramount to the continued diffusion of any real input by anybody but those who continue to play the game for the benefit of both teams at the cost of everyone and everything.

It may come down to Jesus though. If I take the religious angle I really just need one or maybe two stances that I don't change, everything else will be up for grabs. As long as I call upon our LORD and SAVIOR whenever I have an opportunity I should be FINE.

This will be a difficult decision but mostly for logistical reasons. I can't really see too much difference between the teams. I suppose it will be determined by whoever I can get to support me first. My decisions before, during and after all this will be the same, the only change I may make is the color of my war paint.

Come To Jesus

I was lucky enough to find this awesome video, but not as lucky as I was to find Jesus after having lost him for so long. The top comment on this video sums this up quite well for me.

"This is the most beautiful and truthful song that I have heard from anyone in a very long time. I can't believe there are people calling this spam. I just hope they find that this is the truth before they die. I would hate to know they are spending eternity in Hell."

I once called religion spam and was surely bound for an eternity in hell, as this thoughtful youtuber is kind enough to point out. The more that I have been getting back into dogma, youtube comments speak to me as if they were in fact the word of god. Where is all this thoughtful and courteous discourse in our doomed world? I still can't believe that I was fortunate enough to steer my life away from Satan's duplicitous and treacherous connivings. Well I better stop before I get to sentimental. But before I go please remember you will spend eternity in hell if you don't open your eyes while you still have the chance... Come to Jesus.

The Clock Strikes Jesus

Something weird happened today. At first I thought it mere coincidence breeding some novel and uncanny moment but after some careful thought the incidence became divine.

I took a shower earlier today and as I always do, I took off my watch. I had forgotten to put the watch back on when I later went to a room beyond the bathroom. As I came back across the hall I moved my sleeve to check the time. Right at the moment the nascent thought of my missing watch was becoming cogent I passed in front of the bathroom. At that same moment the time struck the hour on my watch, which causes an obnoxious beep that I have been too lazy to turn off. In the same exact fraction of a second that I thought "where is my watch?" My watch answered back.

The rational thinker in me thought this was clearly a funny coincidence worth telling a stranger on the bus or my dog perhaps but the burgeoning businessman and politician in me thought differently. The more I thought about it and opened my heart to hear god's call it became clear that this was a sign from above. I have had trouble believing for as long as I could piece simple thoughts together. The notion of some supernatural entity always sounded like a joke that someone forgot to deliver the punch line to, not anymore. There is a stirring in my heart for my GOD and your LORD. All who fail to see what I saw today will burn in HELL for ETERNITY.

I have already started downloading the bible and plan to be well versed in his HOLY WORD very SOON. I can't wait to get my WWJD wrist band. I cannot even conceive of how blessed I am. God bless y'all and thank you JESUS!

Paths of Glory

In viewing the following images I was previously dismayed by the message conveyed about Capitalism. I thought there must be a better way. I thought at the very least I could do everything in my power to support the grotesque machinery as little as possible. I found it difficult, if not impossible, to live completely outside the system. I was beginning my life knowing it was very possible that my deepest desires of a free and equal society would never come to fruition, or at least not as completely as I hoped.

All of that was before I started to grow up. You have one life to live. Just one. I have realized what most adults realize at some point: "gimme some." In knowing of the exploitation and degradation of humanity I can better claw my way to the top.

Seeing that my motivation for growth is material possessions and a desire for a superfluous lifestyle I have ruled out the military. I would certainly be apt to utilize the organized violence of the state but I would rather not risk my actual life. The religious classes have to many restrictions. And so that leaves me to follow my dreams between politics and business. It was a hard choice but I have decided to go for both. I will seek wealth through politics and I will gain political traction through wealth. It will be a powerful force. 

http://crimethinc.com/tools/deluxe/pyramid_24x36.pdf

New Year's Resolutions

It is that time of the year where we all decide to change and slowly fail to do so until about a year later when we wake up hung over once again and do the same thing. I AM going to follow through with these directives. I can continue as a failure or I can change for the better.

1. Cut my hair, shave my face. Who am I kidding here. I need a good job. I need money. I need to look professional. The hair is going.

2. Drugs. I was a recreational drug user. I used harder drugs on occasion but mostly weed. I am going to stop using illegal substances. If weed becomes legal in Ohio I will likely remain sober.

3. Alcohol. I am going to drink more regularly but it is going to be hard liquor in new forms. I am going to buy a cocktail book and impress everyone with my knowledge of how to make cool drinks.

4. I am going to get a real job. I have always had jobs that didn't drug test, that didn't care about people with  long crazy hair and had a generally relaxed demeanor. There is a reason those jobs didn't pay much. I need health insurance, 40 hours minimum a week, 401 k plan, retirement plan and all those things that make someone a successful adult. 

5. Education. I am going to study for the GRE and look into graduate school. I was planning on doing this after I payed all my current loans off but I think more education is the answer, even if it means more debt.

6. Clothing. I need to look the part of my new role. I am going to start collecting a business wardrobe. This also means throwing away all my concert shirts and old ratty t-shirts. I need leather shoes and slacks. 

7. Religion. I have always had trouble believing in religious doctrines for obvious reasons. It is time I stopped trying to change the world for the better and started carving out my own slice. Even if I cannot believe personally I will no longer declare myself an atheist. For all intents and purposes at this point: I am Catholic. If I am going to be successful I cannot alienate my contemporaries and higher ups, especially if I am trying to climb the ladder. It's time I learned my place and kept my mouth shut. 

8. Exercise. I was focusing mostly on running before but now I am going to work mainly on getting ripped. Protein supplements and vitamins are on the horizon. I am going to get huge. Once I am a beast I will likely get a soul patch or some other interesting facial hair.

9. BMW, Audi or Benz. One of those will be mine in less than year.